Really, I do. Ever since Chamae was born, I feel like I've just been surviving and haven't really enjoyed being home all day with the kids. I was in a funk. At the beginning of the year, like the rest of the world, I decided to do something different. I started waking up early, reading the scriptures, and working out for about 45 minutes before the kids and Brad got up. Simple, right? Those first few days were pretty much torture. I hated waking up early. I like my sleep. But after a few days, I found that I was feeling better, more energized. It wasn't just the exercise, because I have always done something, but it was usually in the evening or while kids were awake and crawling all over me. I think the combination of getting up, studying, and getting energized with a workout, and having some time just for me has been the difference. Now I love getting down and playing with the kids all day, I have energy to have dance parties and explore with Donovan, and I'm not as quick to snap at Donovan when he gets into something or makes a mess. I feel more calm and collected as a mother. It makes me feel better and I know it has been good for my kids too. My good mood has trickled into other aspects of our lives as well. I feel like I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, even with kids in tow. I feel much more positive about what I'm capable of. I'm also finding that I really don't care what people think of me. I was so worried about how others percieved me as a mother and I have realized it's only because I wasn't happy myself and how I was as a mother. Now I feel good about my mothering abiblites. I can't take all the credit, but I have some pretty good kids and they are fairly polite and very sweet. I'm also over the drama that people should have left in high school. There is a lady in the group of women I sometimes get together with that has been giving me an "I don't like you vibe" and it was really starting to get to me. At this point, I could care less. I don't know why she doesn't like me, I think I'm a pretty nice person, but I don't care anymore. I will continue to be kind to her and not worry about her feelings toward me. I'm happy with the time I spend with my husband, kids, and the family we have out here. I don't feel like I'm missing anything (except Utah and everyone there, but I am at peace with that for the time being) and it feels amazing.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
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4 comments:
That is so great! I think it helps so much to get up and get jump start on the day before the kids are up. sounds like it is working great for you
It is always my favorite time to get up early and do my own stuff before dealing with the demands of the day. It improves mood and attitude, for sure!
So happy to read this. I felt so good about having the two kiddos and now I hit the month mark and I have hit my funk. Time for me to start getting up early I guess. Oh how I dread...I'm glad you're doing so great.
As I say, it's none of my business what other people think of me, although I still catch myself sometimes... Kinda like not wanting to be like your parent(s), and you catch yourself being like your parent(s).
With that said, we often times project onto others what we think or feel about ourselves and we need to step back and evaluate why we feel a particular way about another person.
On the other hand, we often act as we think other people want or expect us to act, when in reality other people aren't concerned as much about us as we think they are. It's human nature to want to fit in and be included, and anything different than the "norm" can be uncomfortable for a time. It sounds like you're finding your true self, though. I'm still working on it myself. It seems to be a lifelong endeavor and you'll slip back and forth, but keep working at it and pass that attitude on to your kids.
Too much philosophizing in a comment? Maybe, but I think it's tremendous when we start to figure things out. How often do we really think and feel much below the surface?
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