I've been thinking a lot lately about getting older. The years seem to fly by once you have a child. Donovan will be 3 this year, that is crazy to me. I'm not old enough to have a 3 year old!! My birthday is next Saturday and I'll turn 24. That sounds really old to me right now. I don't feel that old. I know I've changed a lot since I got married (5 years in June), but I still feel pretty immature and young. Last Saturday I was at training for girl's camp and one of the older leaders asked me which high school I went to. I just said, "I'm actually a leader, I'm 23 and married with a 2 year old." The young woman sitting next to me said, "You're in your 20's?" like she was shocked. Do I look that young? I guess I haven't physically changed all that much since high school, except that a few things have become larger. I guess it didn't helped that TOM was about to make his appearance so I was breaking out. Anyway, I know 24 isn't that old, but it seems old to me. I can almost say I'm in my mid 20's...I'm that much closer to 30. It doesn't bother me that I'm getting older, I feel like I have a lot to show for my 24 years on this earth, the most amazing thing being Donovan and the family that Brad and I have started. We don't have much material wealth to show for the work we've done, but we have a lot of love and happiness. I can't imagine my life without Bradley and Donovan in it. Even though we have our bad days, I'm grateful for the time I get to spend with Donovan during the day. I love my alone time at the end of the day when I can go running or go to the gym, but I find myself thinking of Brad and Donovan the whole time. Being a mother has changed me in so many amazing, wonderful ways. I feel like I've let down a lot of the emotional walls I've built up over the years. Brad got through a lot of those walls, but I feel like Donovan has broken through them all. I didn't cry much before I had him. I had learned to suppress tears long before I even met Brad. I think he saw me cry once before Donovan was born. Don't ask me why, I just didn't like to express my emotions or feel vulnerable around other people. But ever since Donovan came along, it's been a lot more difficult to hold back tears...as illustrated in my Wal-Mart story. I try to get it all out of my system when Brad is out of town for a weekend or longer. I don't want him to think he has a silly cry baby for a wife, even though I know he would probably prefer to see that side of me more often. If I cried every time I got the urge to, my eyes would probably always be red and puffy. I feel like motherhood has made me a better wife as well. I'm more open with Brad and he doesn't have to work quite as hard to find out what is bothering me. One little boy has made a whole lot of difference in our marriage and our lives. Anyway, I'm just rambling now. These are just some of the things I've been thinking about. I'm grateful for everything I have in my life and I just hope someday I can be worthy of it all!
PS-I think I'm going to start celebrating birthday weeks...I think that's a great idea. Especially since it starts with mine :) I know it sounds selfish, but I really do love my birthday!! I just need to get better with other birthdays outside of our little family's!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Getting older
Posted by Bradley, DeAnna, Donovan, and Chamae at 11:42 AM
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8 comments:
I don't want to hear about how 24 is old. I had my first baby when I was 24. And a half. And I'll be 27 in only 8 short months... Okay, I guess I'm not that old either. But still! 24 is a great age. When I went to girls camp at 23 someone tried to get me in trouble for going off without a leader...except that I was one. I guess I look younger when my hair is gross and my clothes are covered in dirt. Have fun at camp!
I get people thinking I'm still 16 or 17 too! The other day I was at my mom's house while she was at work because they were getting the house appraised and she wanted someone there. So when the appraiser came to the door I answered it while holding Maddox. She said, "How nice of you to babysit!" I told her he was mine and she asked how old I was (it was embarrassing). I don't think she believed that I was 22!
If you remember correctly, I pretty much had a meltdown when I turned 24 last year...now I'm dreading 25. A QUARTER OF A CENTURY!!! Eeeeek! It's hard getting older...I feel like I've spent so much of my life looking forward that I missed a lot of my 24 years :(
Yup, you're getting ancient. I'm sure you'll turn to dust any time now. Just 4 more years and you'll catch up to me.
It sounds like you're catching on a lot earlier than I did, though. Take it a day at a time, remember we're all human and make mistakes and just pick up the next day and keep trying. I think I spent so much time trying not to make any mistakes, or at least to not let anyone know I made mistakes, I ended up not doing much of anything sometimes. Not a very fulfilling way to live, but since I've figured that out life is so much more fun.
Oh, and that's quite the hint so we remember your birthday... Happy Birthday. We love you.
Thanks for sharing this with us.. and when you feel like 24 is getting old just think of me I am turning 28 in May! Whoa only two more years to 30 for me
Let's see 24yrs? I believe I was pregnant with Brad in my 24th year. So... that means 4 kids at 25yrs. It all seems like a blur when you are so busy taking care of all their lives. It's all good. Be grateful everyone thinks you are younger than you are. What a nice compliment and the older you get the more you appreciate hearing it.
I think it's awesome when you can still look young and vibrant enough to pass for a teenager when you're a worn out mom... if only it could stay that way! Once I overheard some older, snobbish ladies in a restaurant comment on me saying, "that girl over there has a baby and she can't be more than 17 years old! What a shame!" I wanted to slap them and tell them that I had worked too hard to look so young (despite all of my hard work putting myself and my husband through school while raising a hard-earned baby) to be judged by those old bags! Anyhow, my point is, you look young and awesome for a reason - you haven't let the world get you down and make you look old (not that you're old... my goodness, I'm nearly 30 and I'm freaking out!) You're a beautiful mom!
Celebrating birthday weeks is a start.. Micah and I believe in celebrating birthday months... HAHA. Really though. When you get as old as we are you gotta find something to celebrate!
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